Good 'Ol New Mexico

As we approached the Natural Entrance to the Carlsbad Caverns (basically a giant hole in the ground), Jana asked, what is that smell?

Well, Sis, that is the asshole of the earth.

Not too far off, I must admit. That smell, was the smell of a million Mexican red tail bats that inhabit the Bat Cave (a lightless section of the caverns, prohibited to the public).  (I was able to identify this smell thanks to the hundreds of bats who infested my ceiling in Ghana, creating a similar smell. Thanks guys!) For however long these million bats have lived in the caverns, they’ve been dumping on the cave floor below them. At present, National Park Rangers tell us that the guano heap is over forty feet deep. Produces a pretty noxious odor, eh? Nice.

So perhaps, Sis, that is the toilet  of the earth.

The caverns were the first natural wonder we’ve seen thus far. They were amazing, and all we did was take the beginner’s self-guided walking tour. We didn’t dare to venture with rangers into the more aggressive areas of the cave. It isn’t that we didn’t want to, but apparently that extra-added bit of thrill and fun comes with a price tag.

By the way: It’s National Park Week! Fee admittance!! (Except for aggressive treks.)

Still, we spiraled (or maybe spelunked) our way around stalactites and stalagmites, beyond mammoth columns of calcite far past the reach of natural light, where your eyes start to play with you and you think you’re seeing tiny creatures moving about the rocks, down down down into the ground.

They told us it was only 2.5 miles from beginning to end, but it felt more like 5 or 6. We descended only 770 feet down, but I’ll tell you, going into that first drop, it felt like 770 miles deep. The temp was a chilly 56 for the duration of the hike. I thought we were making our way to the center of the earth.

My favorite point was the Bottomless Pit. Because obviously, it isn’t bottomless (the sign says it’s only 140 feet down—which total ruins the fantasy of it). BUT. What if it was bottomless?? What if you fell in, and never stopped falling??? Do you think, after a while, you wouldn’t care that you were falling? You’d take a nap, or read a book, or something, because there was no fear of ever hitting the ground. That would be soo cool. For a while. Then it would get boring probably. Here I am, seven years later, still falling.  

Another cool point was the Balcony, which overlooked the Lower Cave (about a hundred feet below us). The L.C. is also off limits to the public, so you could only see as far as the blue lights stretched, then nothing but dark. Dark dark. Who knows what kind of crazy cave monsters live back there, just out of sight, watching us, just waiting, waiting…

Overall, the caverns were really great, especially the 770 ft elevator ride to the surface at the end. Beam. Me. Up. Scottie.

Speaking of.

Then we visited Roswell, NM. For all you who watched X-Files, I don’t need to go into the significance of this place. We went to the International UFO Museum and Research Center located on the main strip of the town (which was much bigger than expected – the town, not the museum). On the way in, aliens greeted us from restaurant billboards and hotel lawns.

The museum, through various pictures, recounts, affidavits, and testimonies, made a pretty convincing argument that something did crash there in July 1947, and that there were little bodies carried away by the US Government. For every excuse the govt had as a cover-up, these people had an explanation. What we gathered, is that many people definitely saw something, at the same time, and the Army came and took it all away very quickly and very hush-hush, then made some silly justification about weather balloons and test dummies. Very fishy…

Maybe we’ll try to stop by Area 51 when we’re in Nevada.

We finally made it to Albuquerque, bought groceries at Wal-Mart, then set up our handy-dandy camp stove right there in the parking lot and grilled chicken and vegetables. We made friends with a small RV community spending the night there, and then we ventured into the Escape for the first night of sleeping in the car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. We also got in our first Scrabble game! (In the cramped back of the Escape, spread out on our sleeping bags, using the light from the parking lot lights.)

Since I’m here typing this right now, I suppose last night was a success. No bad guys came and took us away. We didn’t have to fight off any N.M. gangs with our weapons cache. No hobos bothered us. No bears ripped the doors off in search of food.

We lived!

Shout out to the Hasslers: without your glorious donation of luggage rack and camp stove, we wouldn’t have had dinner or a place to sleep last night. We would like to dedicate our next drink to Mindy, Steve, and Kyle, for making our first night in Albuquerque an accomplishment.

Natural Entrance to Carlsbad Caverns

Home Sweet Home

Dinner at it's Finest